Time - Stream of Consciousness

My time here is almost out / trying to summarize what I’m all about /

But when I think it comes in rhyme / So I think & write to fill my time /

Then I fall short when I try to convey / The words I wish to somehow say /

Anxiety grows & frustration too / How do I communicate all this to you /

My rhymes are simple, my thoughts complex / So tired now, but I do my best /

For one last push, I’m almost done / To escape the rain and bask in the sun /

My mind wanders so, and I try to focus / But I get so bored when I feel I know this /

& my mind won’t stop, it runs incessantly / So I put pen to paper to get it out of me /

Why do I write what none will read? / How will I find the peace I need? /

Not enough hours in each day / With no one to listen and so much to say /

But I don’t do this for you, I do it for me / Stuck in my head it’s all consuming /

Trying to go through the motions & do as I’m told / But my soul is too free, my colors too bold /

I’ve done all they’ve asked, for 21 years / 17 years a student, conquering my fears /

I love to learn, and knowledge is power / But I grow weary in the Eleventh Hour /

“Senioritis” they say, I call it exhaustion / I’ve baked the cake now I’m stuck on the frostin /

I’m losing time, I just want to rest  / But perseverance is what I do best /

So please quiet, dear mind, I beg you to focus / I need your strength or the workload will choke us /

I’ve made it so far & I’m not turning back / Ordained with my scars, I’m on the attack /

So excited for the future, but I can’t speed up time / So this time that I have, I must make it mine /

I can’t change the future any more than the past / So I must live in the moment for memories that last /

Yet my mind races forward, a blessing and a curse / I hope it gets better, I won’t let it get worse /

Caught off guard by this man, right out of my dreams / Swept me of my feet, & understands what I mean /

He calms me down, when anxiety is high / & I feel like a princess when I’m with this guy/

He kills me so softly, on his nylon string / And I can’t wait to see what the future will bring /

But when I’m with him, I lose track of time / Which I must reclaim and make it mine /

I perform under pressure, since I was young / So it’s time to shine and have some fun /

Going out in a blaze, with a trail at my feet / As I spread my love with everyone I meet /

I’ve made a difference here, & of that I’m so proud / But as I enter the world I’m about to get loud /

I will change the world, if you believe me or not / Setting out to teach all that I’ve been taught /

Investing in community, and watching it grow / Makes me feel richer than you’ll ever know /

I can’t wait for my family, and to be a mother / To teach and love like there’s been no other /

But until that time I must regain attention / I have so much to do, if I failed to mention /

And now that I have it out of my brain / I do not feel I’m so insane /

My mind is cleared, my thought renewed / I know just what I need to do /

3:30 Pm

3/19/2012

Satisfaction and Value

Jazzy Rhyme I Wrote the Other Night

I wanna sing a little song that I just wrote for you
If you ever sit and question what life means to you
But before I go much further with philosophy
Do you think about, who you're meant to be?

Satisfaction and value based on expectations
And they try to monetize your creations
How do you quantify all your worth
Can you tell me now, what do you put first?

Life is the prime value
And its measured in time
With output based on input
Perception is prime
Time wasted is lost
Never to be seen again
So don't waste your time
I warn you my friend. 

It's just a little ditty off the top of my head
But if we dont wake up soon, our future is dead
I speak with love but with much urgency
This is not about what you think of me

Like it or not my words are making you think
My names on your lips, I'll just give you a wink
Cause your words cannot hurt me, my soul it is free
Can't waste my time with negativity

Why I Make Music

Greetings Loved Ones, 

So I FINALLY decided to release my mixtape this past week. I've been impressed and humbled in reaching 2,165 views within the first few days. I do understand that not everyone will like my music, and I'm ok with that. My family out of love has expressed concern regarding vulgarity in my raps, and the impact this may have on my future life. I recently had a good conversation with my grandmother on Facebook that I think sums up the way I feel about my music and why. Haters will always hate, family is concerned because they care, but ultimately I make my own decisions because i am the ONLY ONE who lives with the benefits and consequences of my actions, so to find peace with this the choice must be my own.

So if you're gonna hate - have at it - at least read a little to know where I'm coming from first. You never know, you might learn something... haha. 

I won't use my Grandmother's exact words, but rather a summary - as her words are not mine to share, I only have the right to tell me own story with my own words in reference to how other topics have affected my life.

Grandma: Freightened for how this Youtube release will affect your future, with who will be seeing it, and the impact it may have on others as well as your own future professional life. 

Lulu:  "I appreciate your care concern and prayers grandma, but at the same time im very happy and grounded in my life, im making my own plans for the future, and im sorry if youre bothered by that. I love you very much, and I've thought alot about all of this before I posted all my music, but these are my thoughts and words in the manner in which I want to express them. I understand where youre coming from and that you care, but im happy with what I've done, with where I'm going, and with my future plans for my life."

Lulu’s Poem:

Writings on the Wall:
Like a Graffiti artists, my words are my paint
I convey the images trapped in my mind
Music is my souls sweetest escape
And the keys to the shackles are my rhyme
Like it or lump it, your opinion won't phase me
I'm self-validated, but don't want you to praise me
At the end of the day, here are my writings on the wall
Its your choice to look or to hate it all
This is not about you and all about me
My soul manifested in the words that you see
So enjoy, or don't it's really your choice
Just know your opinion won't silence my voice. ♥

Grandma: “But... my prayers … might J”

Lulu: “I love and respect you grandma, but I am who I am and if I'm going to be real to myself and the passions of my heart, and be transcendent with that through all areas of my life, these are my stories thoughts and experiences EXACTLY how I want to say them.”

Grandma: I have that same right to voice my opinion, write what I believe in, and LOVE you the best way I know how. I will not accept this is your true voice, I wasn’t a few years ago and won’t be in the future if my prayers are answered.

Lulu: “Yes you are entitled to your voice as well, I respect that but reserve my right to choose my life and actions and beliefs for myself. I make my music for myself, not for anyone else, sometimes I write in a voice directed at my friends and peers, and I understand outside of this context how this may be viewed. This may not be my voice for the rest of my life, but at this time, it is and I could not be more entirely happy with the person I am today. I'm sorry you don't like that, but at the end of the day I live with the consequences and benefits of my decisions and so it is critical for the advancement of my life that I make my own decisions because I am the only one who lives with that everyday. I realize my actions have effects on others, and I will try to minimize any negative effects my words may have. At the same time, every choice we make comes with a cost-benefit trade off, and I've put off releasing this music for years with that in mind, stopping myself from sharing my passion and thoughts with my friends and peers. I've thought long and hard about this, I understand you are only saying anything because you love me and care about me. At the same time, I have a fully developed plan for my life through my PhD, it does not involve working for someone else, and the type of jobs that would put such a creative restraint on my personal voice are not the kind of jobs I'm interested in working anyway. I've been working hard and I have a lot of different options already presenting themselves to me. I know the future is unpredictable, but people telling me what I am and am not capable of only inspires me to do better. So thank you for your love and concern, you are entitled to your opinion, but I hope your prayers bring you peace of mind to know that I'm right with my Creator. I was raised in the Church and by the Bible, but I refuse to let another's interpretations of what my personal relationship with my Creator should be to dictate a relationship they do not intimately know the way I do. Being a "Christian" means trying to be like a little Christ, and I try to spread those values of Love and Respect everyday of my life, and I've never been happier than I am now. So again, thank you for caring enough to speak up, but I will also be praying for your peace of mind in accepting that there is much more to my life than you know, I have a good relationship with God, and I ask for guidance with every step I take. I know you pray because you care, but what I've learned from this relationship of mine is that we can pray for what we want all we want, its when we try to align ourselves with the goodness of God our desires start to be his and we pray and receive what he wants for us, not necessarily what we wanted on our own. So please, keep me in your prayers, but please also know that I talk to him everyday too and just because my life isn't on point with what you wish it was doesn't mean I'm not entirely who I want to be or who he's designed me to be. I love you.”

Grandma: What brought me to say anything was the raps with the vulgarity. I started to listen and stopped. I was impressed by your Lulu writings and plans to change the world. But what change? “Sexual wantonness has been abhorred by general society down through the centuries. Are you wanting to make that more acceptable. What, IS your goal? Maybe I will be able to accept where you are and where you are going if you can convey your goal to me. OK. Soooooo glad we can discuss without anger!:) Love, Gram!”

Lulu: “I love and respect you, im not angry. I believe that flight or fight are the extremities of our choices, but balance and truth is clarifying where you stand and controlling the situation, not getting offensive or running away. I have a reason behind everything I do, and if that is not clear I have no problem clarifying cause I know exactly who I am and why. At the same time, after the long amounts of time I've spent developing myself, I'm not going to abandon that just because someone else doesnt agree with it, because I have to make my own decisions to be happy with the consequences. 

My goal is to transcend traditional stratifications of socioeconomic hierarchies to challenge people's beliefs to think critically and develop their own opinions. People's opinions will be different, but if challenged at least they are based off of thought and consideration rather than just passion and tradition. At the same time, I like to have fun and joke around with my friends. I'm sorry you are adverse to the nature of that, but you don't have to watch, im still going to do what makes me happy, which includes but isnt limited to rap. There are many different cultures and subcultures in the world, each with their own set of values and "norms" for what is and isnt acceptable. I understand that as time progresses, mainstream society and media have lead to a desensitizing of my generation which is often villanized as certain individuals try to stand out by "pushing the envelope" against the traditional norms of what is acceptable. 

I have alot of friends that write as well, and I am very intentional with what I will and won't talk about, most specifically with my subject matter. As a woman rapping in an industry that is male dominated, I chose the name FemmeFatale as this character is the only female that consistently has the wit and intellect to hold her own in a mans world. Though many choose to use this genre to talk about sex and drugs and disrespecting women, I choose to speak about what I know to be true from my own life, throwing in inside jokes and humor that my peers understand. In this genre, I am unusual for being a female, a "conscious rapper", and because I choose to articulate my speech in the way I rap. I also know by entering into this musical domain I will be the target of haters and criticism, and before I am disrespected in such a way I wanted to use my verses to show I can compete intellectually at the same level while making the choice not to play into the widely accepted filth of content. Having been a part of this culture, I also understand there are different connotations to words and different language used than in mainstream culture, and as I've said if youre adverse to that its your choice not to listen. 

My life is about bringing change. My music is about what makes me happy. Sometimes they overlap, sometimes they dont. Within this genre and dialect, as a poet I feel sometimes vulgarity is needed to emphasize the gravity of certain points and for me to speak in a natural way about it. I don't believe it should be used in excess, and I don't believe it should be used to "teach" the youth as so much of my other life work is about. It's for myself, it's for fun, and it makes me happy. It's not that "anything is acceptable", there's most certainly right and wrong. At the same time, I believe culture and tradition has led to certain topics being taboo in our culture, so they aren't discussed. When people dont engage in learning, they will more easily become victim to lies and manipulation because they don't know any better. People may like or may hate what I'm talking about, and I'm ok with that either way. The point is by leveraging the power of my words to articulate certain topics that people are emotionally invested in, love it or hate it they talk about it. The opinions which develop may be similar or different to mine, but at least they are developed, and hopefully continue to develop, with trusted and substantive information. Once the naivity is gone, it can never be reclaimed, and so this should be cherished and impressionable youth should be in some ways protected from the propaganda of mainstream culture until they are mature enough to be in the world but not of it. When this transition hits, people are discussing these subjects, the more people they discuss it with more people thinking about it, the more people will discuss it with other people. Its a rippling effect of discussion and enlightenment stemmed for an intense affinity for or disgust regarding a subject. So i respect your opinion, and your choices and concerns, but love me or hate me this is what makes me happy - making people think.”

I love my grandma, and all my friends and family who have expressed genuine concern. I understand where you’re coming from, and I’ve thought this over a lot to make choices I’m ready to accept and live with.

I am not perfect, but the most valuable thing I have is my life. My life is measured by the time I have, and what makes life so precious is that any one of us could die tomorrow, we don’t know. I want nothing more for my future than to be happy with my own family when I know I’m financially stable enough to support them. At the same time, I’ve made a lot of mistakes and I’ve learned a lot of lessons. It hasn’t killed me, it’s made me stronger, and I want to share that with those I love. I won’t be remembered for how much money I have, because my money isn’t what’s most precious to me, my time is. So I’ve dedicated the time to sharing my lessons with those I love and anyone else who wants to listen. Hate it or love it, enlightenment only comes through discussion and examination of your own life, and if my words negatively or positively may lead to that then everything has been worth it. If one person’s life is better from learning from my stories and mistakes, then even if I die tomorrow I will be happy with the life I’ve lived. – My only stipulation, no BLACK at my funeral, only bright colors in a celebration of my life and what I’ve meant to you.

I love you, even if it’s not returned. Because I’ve learned those that are the hardest to love are the ones that need it most. 

Welcome - Navigation

Welcome, friends, family, loved ones all! 


Writings on the Wall -
Like a Graffiti artist, my words are my paint
I convey the images trapped in my mind
Music is my souls sweetest escape
And the keys to the shackles are my rhyme
Like it or lump it, your opinion won't phase me
I'm self-validated, but don't want you to praise me
At the end of the day, here are my writings on the wall
Its your choice to look or to hate it all
This is not about you and all about me
My soul manifested in the words that you see
So enjoy, or don't it's really your choice
Just know your opinion won't silence my voice. <3


HERE'S THE NAVIGATION:

• YouTube Channel
  http://www.youtube.com/LuluFemmeFatale
• 
  
• The Lulu Chronicles Website
• Main Navigation
• https://sites.google.com/site/femmefataletheluluchronicles/
• 
  
• The Lulu Chronicles Blog 
• Because everyone could use a little TLC in their life, here's my home base to the things I love.  
• http://femmefatale-theluluchronicles.blogspot.com/
• 
  
• Troubleshooting : Life Edition Blog 
• Life lessons and truths, tricks, concepts, and explanations - The Lessons I feel I have learned as to share them with my little sisters, and loved ones, and anyone else who would care to listen. 
• http://femmefatale-troubleshooting.blogspot.com/
• 
  
• Writings on the Wall Blog
• A collection of my writings, poems, and songs. Hopefully to soon be accompanied by some mastered tracks from my mixtape! The Element of Surprise (Coming Soon, Heehee) 
• http://femmefatale-writingsonthewall.blogspot.com/
• 
  
• Empowered Economics Blog
• Navigating the rapidly changing social media landscape to maximize social entrepreneurship and take control of our own economic future. 
• http://femmefatale-empoweredeconomics.blogspot.com/

The Element of Surprise Mixtape

"The Element of Surprise Video Mixtape"

Namesake: You never know whats coming next. Dropping 21 videos over the course of 36 hours, I am highlighting my favorite original and covered music over the past 21 years. Transcending genres to perform whatever music and words that are in my soul.

Explanation: I refuse to be defined and restricted to a label or genre, but rather I reserve the right to determine the path of my life and my music for myself. My music is a reflection of my soul, like it or lump it your opinion won't phase me. The great thing about free will is you're capable of making whatever opinions you want, and as am I. It is my personal opinion that if my words can transcend the traditionally stratified socioeconomic and cultural hierarchies to change one person's life for the better then my entire life has been worth the strife. 

In marketing, there's a process to change/action.

Awareness -> Attention -> Internalization -> Call to Action

All I can do is plant the seed of our generations Re(Love)ution, it's your choice to water it or not. 

Introduction
Original Spoken Word 

 

Beautiful
Original Spoken Word
For Wombyn and Deconstructing Words

A New Dream
Original Spoken Word
For Youth and Re(LOVE)ution

The Abyss
Original Ballad, 
Music by Anthony Sanchez
Overpowering Waves of New Opportunities

Femme Fatale
Original Song/Rap
Meaning of My Artist Name

Dancing in the Rain
Original Acoustic/Indie Song

Instrumental Recorded by Jesse Neibolt
Part of Girl, Guy and Guitar Project

First Song I ever Wrote with Guitar in 2006

Doobie Do

Original Indie/Pop Song

Instrumental by Jesse Neibolt

Part of Girl, Guy and Guitar Project

Shades of Grey

Original Indie/Pop Song

Instrumental by Jesse Neibolt

Part of Girl, Guy and Guitar Project

Killing Me Softly Cover

Acoustic/R&B Cover

Instrumental by Jesse Neibolt

Part of Girl, Guy and Guitar Project

B.I.O.N.I.C. Woman

Original Spoken Word
Believe.It.Or.Not.I.Care

Shadows Shake

Original Spoken Word
Relationships and Moving Forward

Love IATM

(Love Is All That Matters)

Original Spoken Word

The One That Got Away

Original Indie/Pop Song

Escape

Original Song
Come Escape With Me, Under the Stars We'll Take Our Leave

Enchanted Flight

Original Acoustic/Indie Spoken Word

I Look Up At the Stars and I Swear I'll Make Them Ours

My Own YouTube Channel

Thanks for all the love my friends! View and share my NEW Youtube Channel to keep spreading the love <3 <3 <3


LULU FEMMEFATALE : 
http://www.youtube.com/lulufemmefatale

22 hours after my first video post and at nearly 500 views! Thanks for the support and love, it means the world to me.


UPDATE: 1.27 @ 1:38 PM
      Less Than 48 Hours since my first video posting and at 1,117 views and 3 subscribers :)

A New Dream

A New Dream

Spoken Word by Ashley Hale

Waking up from this nightmare of dreams, 

I look around me nothing is as it seems.

All these people going about their lives, 

With smiles on their face, but pain in their eyes?

We've lost the meaning of what it means to be alive.

We've lost ourselves behind commercialized lies. 

We're giving up on our own potential, 

Because we've lost the sight, of what's truly consequential. 

We are the youth, but the youth has no age. 

So spark the fire that is the passion to change. 

Pursuing happiness but we don't know the way. 

So will you listen to this dream I convey?

The first step is to awaken your soul, 

So disregard what you have ever been told. 

We're raised conditioned to the cultural norms, 

But that does not mean that you need to conform. 

To change results you must change what you're doing. 

Open your eyes to realize what you're viewing. 

Care more about others, and less about yourself, 

'Cause to get out alive, we all need the help. 

So stand up, and dust the webs out of your brain. 

If you start to use it, things will never be the same. 

Don't blindly follow, don't blindly resist

Because an educated mind is much stronger than a fist. 

And there's nothing more stunning than the chaos of the truth. 

Seeing people as they are, and not just what they do. 

When you see past the difference it begins to unroll, 

We're more similar than different when it comes to the soul. 

And when I look into a sea filled with faces unknown, 

To you I'm unfamiliar, in you I see my own.

Why do we fight against each other? We're all fighting for our lives.
Yet they're killing distant brothers, and their mothers, and their wives. 

Can we unclassify the original connotations, 

Don't divide us up, but admire our creations. 

Taking fate into our hands, no greater power to be known. 

Looking out to solve our problems, but the answer's homegrown. 

I feel it rising up in me, 

This haunting little dream. 

It's time I showed you what it means to be alive. 

Consciously aware of the value of our lives?

The power's in your hands, use it or you lose it. 

But this is YOUR life, and no one else can choose it. 

And when you find your worth, don't neglect the worth of others!

It's time we built up, our sisters and our brothers!
A conscious community, nothing could be so perilous, 

As young minds united, a new cultural genesis. 

Don't tell me sky's the limit when there's footprints on the moon.

We've spent the morning preparing but now it's high noon. 

And I see this dream that haunts me everyday. 

But the force remains dormant till we yield it the right way. 

We are the youth, but the youth has no age.

So spark the fire that is the passion to change. 

Not pursuing happiness, we make out own. 

And for the year of naivity, we see to atone. 

It's amazing what we can accomplish when we set out to do it. 

With conviction in our step, we step right through it. 

A ReLOVEution, we revolutionize love. 

Creating a generation we can be proud of. 

Requiem for a dream? But the dream is still alive. 

It lives within me, but I don't keep it inside, 

Because a dream without action will never be realized. 

But in action it's our dream that serves as our guide.